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| I suppose it's time I admit it. I, Alex Mattingly, have a thing for guys named Kurt. It isn't anything to do with experimenting in college, though at least one Kurt was. No, I fear it's more fundamental than that. The only way I know how to deal with this is by introducing you to all three of them, and thereby relieving myself of this long-kept secret.
I first ran into Kurt Wagner back in grade school. I only thought of him peripherally, as one blue face amidst a pantheon of spandex-wearing heroes. But as time wore on, and the mighty Darkhawk was put to rest by Marvel Comics' bankruptcy, I realized there was more to Kurt than meet the eye. Kurt, codename Nightcrawler whilst battling villains like D'Spayre or Magneto, was the embodiment of everything I wanted to be.
Namely, a furry blue teleporter.
Kurt's effects carry through even now. One of my favorite comics, "Transmetropolitan", was written by a gentleman who also gave my fuzzy friend new life. But though I may never forget my first Kurt, there have been others.
Such as the universal Kurt, who shot himself in '96.
Yeah, I know. Ol' Ironballs was never what you'd call part of the Grunge scene. Unless you were referring to his personal hygiene.
(ba BUM da)
But this is where many things began. Listen: on a bus ride home, second semester of my eigth grade year, I was sitting with my new friend from California, some kid named Ben who had this really cool camoflauge jacket. We were talking, ignoring the high school assholes in the back of the bus, and suddenly this guy just pulls out a tape recorder and says, "Listen:"
And so I do. And it's the coolest thing ever. The quality is bad, the tape is crackling, the bus is shrieking with other kids, but I'm straining to hear a grainy voice wailing "...as you were, as I want you to be..." through it all.
That pretty much sealed my new friendship, my new tastes in music, and my love of a new Kurt. Though, as I said, I went on to experiment in college.
You could almost call him college Kurt. That's when a lot of people run into him, a la "Slaughterhouse Five" which is often required reading. For me, it was a little different. You see, two of my friends, Jessica Elston and Ben Swenson, rarely overlap their tastes. So when the two of them agreed I needed to read "Cat's Cradle", I begrudgingly set about doing so.
I was blown away.
Over the next year I voraciously went through whatever books I could find, and watched two awful movies based on a couple of them. Never before had I felt like I connected to an author on this level. The man was elevated to god-status within months. If I'd had them, I'd have laid small animals on his books and sacrificed them. I later found out these impulses were due to minor head traumas.
But no matter! In Vonnegut I still find a kind of solace, like a kindred spirit, who's not even dead the way most so-called modern authors are these days. Bastards.
It sure feels good to get that off my chest. Now that you know, of course, I wonder what will happen next. What other Kurt's are there to meet? Could I fall for a Thad or Roland instead? I wait with baited breath, to see what's yet to come.
I LOVE YOU, KURT!
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**Everything Alex Mattingly loves will eventually reject him or die.
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